The People's Republic of Crimean SSR is a small, safe nation, renowned for its irreverence towards religion, hatred of cheese, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, democratic population of 29 million Crimeans are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Welfare, Defense, and Education. The average income tax rate is 59.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The basket case Crimean SSRian economy, worth 264 billion Crimean Rubles a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is dominated by the Trout Farming industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Pizza Delivery, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is 9,112 Crimean Rubles, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Married couples must call each other "darling" or risk a fine, fake designer clothes are shredded and burnt while many in the world don't have a shirt on their back, interest in globalism never flags, and RPG fans reminisce fondly about when people thought they were evil and dangerous rather than geeky and socially inept. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Crimean SSR's national animal is the Crimean Griffin, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Crimean SSR is ranked 77,699^th in the world and 456^th in The Communist Bloc for Most Patriotic, with 18.12 flags saluted per person per day.